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Encountering rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a clear “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am familiar with rejection. I started submitting articles five decades ago, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless essays. Over the past 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I face a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 each year. In total, denials over my career number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

However, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. As, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: At this point, nearly each individual and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor rejected 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents declined a book pitch. An editor requested that I send my work only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, each denial stung. I felt attacked. It was not just my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? Why would they be overlook my skill?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who made you to judge on my work? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably accompanied by optimism). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become any good.

So it went over many years.

Notable Precedents

Naturally, I was in fine company. Stories of creators whose manuscripts was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in races. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were declined numerous times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the last step of setback. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader feels I am not qualified or standing to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too quickly to see its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Or something about my writing style, notably commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at older—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have appeared in newspapers major and minor, in diverse sources. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

Yet, no blockbusters, no author events at major stores, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take rejection at my age, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but provided that you listen to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what insights have I learned?

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